I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

I am cruel to myself and those around me whom I do not like

Not out loud, but in my heart

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

The Lord calls me to love all

But I only love a few

He has called me to love Nineveh

But I have refused

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

I tell myself and others about God’s love secretly hoping that God would still destroy us both

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

I expect Gods wrath because that is what I deserve

But he continues to show me his love and grace

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

I complain when I do not understand why God is so merciful

God has reminded me that it is God who is grace

While I do not deserve it I receive it

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh

Not only do I need to repent and return to the one who saves

But I need to accept God’s grace as God has given it.

I do not deserve it

I did not earn it

But for some reason Christ loves me and has given it

I am Nineveh

I have done wrong

I have sinned against God, others, and myself

I need to repent

I am Jonah

I need to accept God’s grace

I need to extend the same grace to myself.

I am Jonah and I am Nineveh.

My prayer for me

I’m screwed up

I’m broken

I don’t deserve the life you have given me

When I ask why all you say is it’s because you love me

I don’t understand this love you have for me

I will never understand it

I try to live into it

But when I hit the light I see all my dark stains

I become ashamed

And instead of receiving forgiveness for the stains on my skin I run back into the darkness so I can’t see them

I know the only way to remove them is to accept this forgiveness and forgive myself

And to then go and sin no more

But the darkness is easier

It has become an uncomfortable, comfortable home

I preach your word and goodness from my dark hole

Others hear and come into your light

And I pray they don’t look back to see that I am still in the shadows behind.

I can’t accept your love, because I can’t love myself

I don’t like myself when I fall

I don’t like myself when I see my stains that I do not think should be washed clean because I am unworthy

I am so unworthy but still you love me

I cannot fully live in your love because I do not love myself

So Lord I pray

I beg

I plead

Help me to love me for me

Help me to forgive myself for my mistakes

Help me to see me as you see me

Help me to see myself as I see others

God I accept your love and forgiveness

But help me to accept my own love and forgiveness

Help me to step into the light and let you remove these stains once more

And help me see that they are no more.

Lord this is my prayer for me.

My heart bleeds for the city

My heart bleeds for the city
I would pick big city buildings over open country crop
I would rather ride a subway than a horse to any stop
I would choose to walk the streets of the city than a field of crops
because in the city there are many broken hearts.
The country is not bad,
the cowboys and cowgirls need God too
but i am afraid of us losing site of those broken and bound up in the city
because it is easier to watch a sunset over a fence, than it is to humanize the dehumanized.
I am afraid that the church will forget about the broken lives and cries of the lost in the city.
where it is hard and dark, but where there is also light
See I have a heart for the city
a heart that Christ has given me
the outcast
the homeless
the gangster
the business man and woman
i have a heart for the city.
so Church wont you join me in spreading the gospel not only to the country, burbs, and foreign lands, but also to the cities that are in our land.