I have been single for most of my life; in fact I have not
been in a romantic relationship in three years. To be honest, for the most
part, I enjoy being single. This past September my sister got married to a
great man, and I had a blast celebrating with them. This coming year my other
brother will be getting married leaving me the last single sibling in the
family. Personally I am okay with it, I know I am not ready for a relationship
and am not looking for one and, again, enjoy being single.
However, most of society does not share my joy. Since
graduating high school, and even more so after college, I have often been asked
if I am seeing anyone, or if there is someone that I am interested in, along
with all of those other (rather) annoying questions single 20 something’s are
often asked. Typically I play the questions off and move on to another topic.
Now I want to speak out a little.
First of all, I know many single women, and men, who
constantly think about getting married and having a family. This in and of
itself is not bad; however, it consumes their thoughts, and actions. In many
ways they begin to worship the idea of finding “the one” so that they won’t be
alone for the rest of their life. I would rather consume my thoughts and energy
on other things that are more worthy of my time. Instead of looking for “Mr.
Right” and thinking about who he might be and how we will meet etc. I would
rather think about God, theology, the teens that I serve, those who are in
prison for their Christian beliefs all across the world. I strongly believe
that these things take president over a romantic relationship. Instead of
worrying about being alone for the rest of my life I worry about finding a
position in a church and ministry, I worry about my kids that are in less than
ideal situations. I find these things to be worth worrying about. Finding a
future husband is not something I want to worship, it is not something I want
consuming my thoughts because there are more important things in this world.
Second, our society seems to think that when one is single
that they are broken, and we treat singleness like a disease. I am broken, not
because I am single, and I am not diseased. We constantly put down singleness
as being less than being married. I have no less value as a single woman than a
married woman. Being single I see myself as being a little freer to do whatever
it is I need to do and go wherever I am called to go. Moving wherever, whenever
is less of a stress than it would be being married (in my opinion). Paul
himself said that it is better to be single, now I do not believe that being
single is better than being married. I believe marriage is a wonderful
sacrament that is to be a picture of Gods relationship with the Church. With
that, marriage is a big deal. When there is pressure to be in a relationship
often people get into them with people that they shouldn’t. I believe that
marriage is a gift from God and maybe it isn’t for everyone.
I have noticed that the times that I feel as though there is
something wrong with me, and that I am not fully a woman or complete, is when I
am continually asked the typical “why are you single” questions. I know I am
fully a woman, and I know that only God can make me complete, and I am complete
just as God has made me. Here is a simple reminder to all parents, family
members, friends, church-goers, and really just anyone: do not pressure your
single child, sibling, friend, fellow church-goer, or whomever to find that “someone”
when you do, and even out of love, you are not helping them but simply putting
them in a bad head space. When I hear these questions I often begin to think of
how inadequate I am and compare myself to others who are married, or in a
relationship. It is not until I spend some time with God that I am reminded of
who I am, who made me, and that life is not about finding a “soul mate” but
rather about loving God, others, myself, and serving.
If you are single, do not rush, don’t feel pressured you are
amazing and if you do get married remember that it is a gift from God.
If you are married, thank God for your spouse. Remember that
they are a gift that God has given you, cherish it, keep Christ at the center
of your marriage, love them, and remember love the singles in your life and do
not constantly ask them about their single status.
