My Heart is Not Here

My heart is not here

it is far away from my physical being.

My empty shell goes through the daily motions

As my inner most being is else where.

I long to leave this place where I am unwanted

For the place where I know I am.

My heart is not here

It is hours away serving with others

It has found a place where it can Love and be Loved

My heart is not here

My heart is sad

It is sad because it wishes that where my physical being is

It could find what is elsewhere

It longs to belong

It longs to serve

It longs to Love and be Loved

It has tried

It has found nothing

Nothing here

But it has found everything there.

It is closer to Christ there

It is wanted

It is needed

My heart is not here

                You ever feel as though your heart is somewhere else? I am not just talking about loving a place, or people that are in a different place, but feeling deeply like every part of you except your physical body are somewhere else?

                That’s how I have been feeling since going to New York last summer, and even more so since coming back from Chicago/Ohio this summer.

                I really have no close connections here anymore. I feel as though I am mostly taking up space and wasting time until my big move east. Every once in a while I feel connected, that once in a while usually comes on Sunday nights.

                As I sit here and glance back at pictures, videos, and posts from this last trip, and when I see my friends facebook pages from over there I cannot help but wish I had a T.A.R.D.I.S.

                Oregon will always be home, in the since that I grew up here. I love the sights and smells of the Pacific Northwest. Nothing beats it. But my human connections have not been here in years. I don’t feel as though I fit in. It is almost like going back to middle school (and high school), where I never fit in with anyone at church, I never made close connections with anyone within the church, but I had my school friends. But those school friends (like me) have moved all over.

                It is hard to stay. I know it is not time for me to go yet, which is what makes this more difficult. My friends, those whom I am close with are states away and my heart longs to be with them. To do life and ministry together. For now facebook, twitter, insta, and snapchat must do. I long for the day where I do not feel so left out and alone. 

Can I Believe This?

                In the fall of 2012 I began my senior year at Northwest Nazarene University with a question I could not get over. That question was: If God is good and can do anything because…well…God, then why the cross? Why did God choose to die a bloody horrible death? If God could choose to reconcile humans in any way why choose death? It made God seem mean, wrathful, and blood thirsty.

                I grew up in the Nazarene church and I had been taught many “traditional” theology’s without even knowing it. I enrolled in NNU’s ministry program in 2008, I thought I had my own faith and theological views then. But it was not until professors began to ask us students questions and make us thin, and study that I began to realize that not everything I was taught theologically growing up is what I truly believed. I began to notice that I started to differ from my parents, and others within my denomination and I thought I must be close to a heretic because I did not know many Christians personally who swayed the same way theologically as I was beginning to.

                I knew then (and still do) what the Church of the Nazarene believes on many different theological topics. Everything can be basically boiled down to this statement: “we agree on all things necessary for salvation, on the non-essentials we do not have to agree.” This means there is plenty of room to move about in the Nazarene world without being a heretic, which was good news for me.

                While I had amazing professors and mentors, whom I now consider my friends, I still felt a little on the outside theologically at times because I did not necessarily agree with them on everything. During my sophomore year in one of my classes we had two professors come in and “debate” on whether or not God knows the future. This was the most interesting class I had had up until that point. One of the professors who was debating was Dr. Tom Oord. He was on the side that stated that God does not know the future. His position made sense to me and it helped answer some other questions I had at that time.

                Flash forward to fall of 2012, as I stated above. I remember having a few conversations with Dr. Oord on this very topic alongside one of my other professors. It was also during this time that I got to take my first class with Dr. Oord and a whole new way of thinking was opened up to me. Dr. Oord looks at God in a way similar to myself. I began to grow intellectually and spiritually in a way I had never before grown.

                All through my life, and especially college years, I had heard the loud cries from fundamentalists.  I heard them belittle and speak ignorantly about my University and its professors, before then I simply heard them call others heretics and had a narrow view of God and scripture. Through the years these are the people who have shouted the loudest. I have stayed silent (mostly) and reminded myself and others that the majority of those speaking out are speaking out of ignorance.

                Recently my University dismissed Dr. Tom Oord from his position in the Theology department. The reasons for which have come into question by myself and multiple others, including current NNU faculty. The most amazing display of Christ-like love has come from those who support Dr. Oord, and from Dr. Oord himself. The desire from alumni, current students, staff, and faculty for NNU to be one of the best places to learn and grow has shown bright. NNU has been amazing at teaching its students to question and think for themselves. NNU has been amazing ay making students take on their faith as their own, to know what they believe and why, and it is amazing at growing their students intellectually and spiritually. Dr. Tom Oord and other diverse faculty and staff are the reason why NNU has done such an amazing job. It breaks my heart to hear about and see fellow believers celebrate the dismissal of Dr. Oord because of what he has done not only for me but for hundreds of students. Christians should strive to be intelligent intellectuals. We should ask hard questions and seek the answers. It is in our asking and seeking that we grow. It breaks my heart that there are people who claim to love God, yet belittle and rebuke questioning, learning, and growing intellectually and looking at different possibilities. There are many who claim to believe in a big God, yet put God in a box and state that there is only one way to think about God. NNU, and specifically Dr. Tom Oord, has taught me that it is not only okay to ask questions, but that it is good and they have taught me how to think of God on a much larger scale than I ever had before.

An Open Letter to President Alexander and NNU Board of Trustees

This is my letter to the President of NNU and the BOT. I will always #SupportTomOord

To Dr. David Alexander,

President of Northwest Nazarene University,

and to the NNU Board of Trustees,

                My name is Becca Spivey and I am a graduate from Northwest Nazarene University. I am writing this letter to you with a heart of love for NNU and for the School of Theology and Christian Ministry.

                I grew up in the Nazarene church and when I was going into high school I felt the call to ministry. When time came for me to pick a college to go to I visited NNU a couple of times and simply by spending time on campus, and in the religion department I knew that this is where I wanted to go and learn. I am so glad I did. I was taught, and pushed, and encouraged in every way by our STCM department. I would not be the woman or minister I am today without them. Specifically I would not be who I am without Dr. Tom Oord.

                My senior year I was beginning the year with a lot of questions and doubts, I knew what many Christians believed on the topics and why, but their answers were not good enough for me at that time. It was once I began to talk about these things with Dr. Oord and once I took one of his classes that I began to hear other well-known Christians and Theologians answers and perspectives on the very things I was struggling with, and I realized that these were the answers I had been searching for and thinking, but did not know. Tom Oord never pushed his personal theology on his students, and he never would. He wanted (and still wants) for us to never take the easy route, and to question, learn, and discover using the Wesleyan Quadrilateral who God is. Simply put, I probably would not be a Nazarene today if not for Tom Oord, his teaching, mentoring, guidance, and for him living the life of love that he preaches.

                Dr. Tom Oord brings something that NNU needs, that NNU had and others did not. Tom Oord brings a love for God, creation, education, and diversity that no one else can. It is Tom’s non-essential theological beliefs that helped create an environment that made students of all theological perspectives feel safe in expressing them, seek guidance and even correction. If we have an institution where every member of staff and faculty share the same theological perspectives then we are losing diversity, and it is guaranteed that the institution will then produce ignorant Christians and ministers.

                I, along with others, want to know why Dr. Oord? It is well known that there are people who have tried to get rid of him in the past. I am afraid that the University simply wants quiet and is willing to jeopardize its student’s education and spiritual growth to do so. I also want to know why the University has not publicized the graduate program for ministry more? If the true reason Dr. Oord is being let go is because of a drop in enrollment for the graduate program, why did you do nothing in the past to push the program and make it more publicly known? And did you think of the possibility (which I am sure you will see as a reality) that there may be a drop in enrollment because Dr. Oord is no longer teaching there? I myself had been looking into graduate programs and knew Dr. Oord taught many of the classes for the grad program and was wanting to take more classes from him through NNU, but now I cannot and will not.

                I am extremely disappointed in our University right now. I am extremely sad for our University for its loss and for its current and future students. I truly believe this is the biggest mistake the University has made in years. It is shining a bad light on the University and on the denomination. It is shining a light that says “we don’t care about academic excellence, spiritual growth, and diversity.” I had always been proud of NNU for having Tom Oord and for standing by him while others threw stones. Now I fear we have given in and that the University is making decisions based on personal beliefs and agendas that do not line up with our Wesleyan Holiness tradition.

                I will conclude my letter with another story.

                My senior year we had a lunch with just us graduating seniors and the STCM professors to talk about anything and everything. Towards the end of our meal all of us seniors agreed that the biggest and most valuable lesson that they had taught us and shown us was how to truly live in a community of love. They showed us that we did not have to agree on the non-essentials and could still be friends and love one another. Many, if not all, of us grew up in churches where if someone disagreed with someone else they did not talk, and went to different churches. There was no relationship, and this seemed to be simply how it was. It was not until they showed us that it is possible and it is how we as Christians are meant to live. After this statement had been made one of the faculty members told us that some churches may not accept us because we are NNU alumni, and that we may hear people falsely accuse and hate on our professors and they simply asked that we stand up for them since we know them and their heart for God. I myself have had to defend a few since graduating, but I never thought I would have to defend one of them against the very school that embraced them. I have been debating on whether or not I want to support NNU if Tom is not rightfully reinstated, be that with money or any other way of supporting. But I know if I do not then I will be disappointing Dr. Oord and the other faculty members of the STCM department. Because that is the kind of person Tom is.

“I will continue to live a life of Love.” – Dr. Thomas Jay Oord 4/7/15

Becca Spivey

NNU 2008-2013

Here is a link to a Wiki page that is being updated regularly with Facts (that are verified by qualified people) and Rumors:

Tom Oord Dismissal

               

Sancta-wha?

Sanctification

Growing up in a Holiness denomination one might think that I grew up hearing the term sanctification, and that I could define and explain it by the age of ten. However, this was not the case for me. I had not, knowingly, heard the term until I was a senior in high school and I did not have a grasp on what the word truly meant until I was a senior in college.

The top two definitions of sanctification are “to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate.” And “to purify, or free from sin” (dictionary.com). There are some who have come to believe that sanctification is a onetime event and once one has been entirely sanctified they have then “made it” this is false. In Doctor Diane Leclerc’s book Discovering Christian Holiness: the heart of Wesleyan-Holiness theology she states: “Holiness should never be limited to one instantaneous event. Also holiness is a way of being” (178). This is to say that holiness is a life style. To constantly choose God.

In our Christian termology we often throw the words “reborn” and “sanctification” around and do not always explain them in a way that some who have not grown up in the church, and for some who have, understand.

The “first step” in becoming a Christian is often called being “reborn” or initial sanctification. This is a point in ones life where we believe that there is a God, and that Jesus is God. We accept Christ into our life and begin to learn more about God and grow in our faith. Walking in relationship with God is a journey. As we grow there will be a time where we find ourselves making an even deeper commitment to God. We not only acknowledge Christ as Lord, but we go all in. There is no turning back, where God calls us we choose to go.  The moment we make this deeper commitment is called entire sanctification. We still have the ability to sin, God will never take away our freewill; therefore, the ability to sin will always be there. This is why it is just as important to emphasize grace after entire sanctification as it is before (Leclerc 179). God’s grace is still sufficient. One does not go back to square one if they sin after they are entirely sanctified. We continue to journey with Christ and grow in our relationship and as we develop a deeper relationship it does become possible to sin less often. What once seemed like an impossible temptation may not seem so impossible to say no to because you have experienced how it hinders your relationship with God and choose that closeness to whatever that temptation may have been, at the same time there may be something new that seems just as impossible to say no to.

After entire sanctification the term progressive sanctification is used to describe the journey from entire sanctification to final sanctification, or glorification, which happens only when we die. Progressive sanctification is simply the process in being made more holy. We ourselves cannot do this, but only God can. As we walk with Christ, live into our covenant with God, say no to sin and live into the life God has created us to live we are made holy. As stated before, God does not take away our ability to choose, we constantly have the choice to live holy lives and to submit to God, or to not.

Through Christ it is possible to live a holy life. It is not difficult to be entirely sanctified, all one has to do is pray. My own prayer was not eloquent, but was simply “God, you’re it. I am all in where you want me to go I will go, where you want me to stay I will stay. There is no going back. I simply ask that you continue to fill me with your Spirit so that I will have the strength and wisdom to continue to choose you.” It is that simple, then live into the prayer you just prayed. I encourage you to continue to choose Christ, to live into the holiness that is offered to us. God has given us life, Christ has provided a way for us to not only survive but to thrive and to live an amazing epic life that can only come when we choose to live a life of holiness that is only possible with God.