The Tunnel and The Voice

I am in a tunnel. It's dark. It's damp. I don't even know how I got here. I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and i don't see it!
There is no hope!
I cry out for those I know and love,
but they don't call back.
I am crying for my mothers help,
she is nowhere
I keep walking.
Some how at some time I just gave up.
I am lying here crying. Cold. Wet.
It would be so easy to slip away.
As soon as I realize that there is no more noise
I hear soft foot fall coming towards me.
and a voice.
One I have never heard before.
It says "I love you."
I ask who it is.
All they say is:
"Come rest in me. let me love you. Aren't you tired? I will carry you to the warm light. Will you trust me?"
I didn't know what was right but I know that I wanted this love,
and i longed for this light.
I said yes.
Then as if out of nowhere these warm strong arms lift me up, carrying me like a child.
The person holds me close and starts to walk.
As we go The Voice tells me,
"I love you. I have been waiting for you."
On the wall I start to see images of a man.
Born-killed-and raised from the dead.
Then the images shift to me.
Born-going through life with the same man next to me.
But I never saw him.
He was with me in the tunnel all along,
but I could not hear his cry for me
because I was crying louder and could not hear.
As The Voice keeps repeating Itself saying
"I love you. I have been waiting for you,"
I start to see the light.
I see hope, and goodness,
yet I am afraid and try to turn back.
Back to my dark tunnel
and The Voice holds me tighter, closer, whispering
"I love you. I have been waiting for you."

Spiritual Formation

So this semester I am taking a class called Spiritual Formation, and for one of our assignments we have to make a "creative project" displaying spiritual formation. I have chosen to make a video. The gist of it is going from a broken life through a journey towards being healed. This is being portrayed via cardboard testimonies. I could not do this project alone so i recruited 6 friends, 3 female 3 male, to help me with it. 

Side note; at the end of the creative project we must write a short paper on how the project has helped us grow and grasp spiritual formation or something of that kind.

I did not think I would have anything to write about. Until I witnessed my friends write down some of their innermost secrets and struggles. Everything from sexual addiction and abuse to the feeling of being hopeless and having no ambitions; to the flip side of their cards expressing the recovery, redemption, hope, and drive they now have through Christ. This is not just a little film I am making for kicks and giggles; there will be other students that know them that will be seeing this video. Not just students but Professors, people who would have no idea. I pray that they will see the boldness of these six and see the healing they have found through Christ and be inspired. Given hope. Sure they may not (probably did not) get there through sola scriptura But through a process involving solitude, scripture, prayer, and community.




I shall edit this video and maybe post it up her for y'all

New Friend

I get excited to see you
your laugh makes me smile
your crazy faces make me laugh
your love for Christ inspires me
your love for teens warms me
I am glad I have met you
you have helped me already in many ways of which you may never know
may God bless you
may we grow closer as friends
who knows what the future holds for us
all I know is that I am blessed to have met you

Trust

I say I trust you
Yet I still have a foot on the ground.
All aspects of my life I have given
except one
for some reason I am still scared
if I have a foot down I can catch myself.
yet, I am the one who causes me to stumble all the time.
Not you.
This should be easy
but I don't know how,
how do I lift my foot so that only You are holding me?
What do I think.
Pray.
What do I do to lift this foot?
I need help
I want to live for you in the now.
Help me to trust you.

Tree

So last weekend we had our STCM retreat for school and while on the drive back home I was listening to my music and looking out the window watching all the rocks, water, and trees as they passed. At one point I looked up at a tree and I noticed that it was dead. No leaves, no moss, nothing it was deader than dead; however, it was surrounded by living trees that were full and big and a nice green color. After seeing this I thought to myself "no matter how hard that tree tries it could not be made alive again by the other trees." No matter how close it was to them how much it touched there healthy branches it just would never happen. The process would have to happen within the tree and down in it's roots. I then thought of how this relates to our spiritual lives. When we are spiritually dead how we sometimes think that "if i am close enough to those who are alive it will rub off." If we associate with those spiritually well we in turn will be made whole again. This could be true to an extent but it would never fix what it is that is making you dead.
The only way that tree could be living again is that if it was healed of whatever was killing it, and if it had proper sun light and watering. Like wise, we would need spiritual healing, live into community, read our bibles, pray and be honest with God. Only then can we be made alive again.

Pet Peeves

I have decided to start a list of pet peeves. If you have any to add just comment.

#1. Parents that take their toddlers/babies/young children to a midnight movie.
#2. Parents whos kids are crying and screaming in a movie and they refuse to take them out
#4. When a guy tells you years later that they used to like you and were "too scared" to ask you out.
#5. When people dance around relationship stuff and are not forward.
#6. when the TP goes over top and not under.
#7. When one is hungry and one looks in the fridge and there is nothing to eat...unless you want a weird mix of BBQ sauce, eggs, milk, and peppers.
#8. When one really wants pie or cake but cannot make it and has no money to buy it.
#9. People that tail your car when you are going the speed limit.
#10. Hannah Montana/Miley Cirus.
#11. People that give up on their dreams.
#12. Dream killers
#14. People that are good looking and know it
#15. People that talk about other people (in not nice ways) in their facebook status'
#16. People posting emo/personal facebook status'
#17. People that spell "because" (or cause) "cuz" or "with" "wit" ect.
#18. Sitting in an empty movie theater one other person comes in and sits right in front of you
#19. People that say they want to go spiritually deep but really don't
#20. When someone asks "how is your day?" and the person doesnt answer
#21. People not understanding the difference between fiction and non-fiction
#22. When one becomes good friends with someone of the opposite gender and all their friends believe that they like each other and will end up together.

I'm Done

I'm done.
I'm done with you and your lies.
With you running and hiding.
With you ignoring me
Pretending that if you don't speak to me then I am not really there.
Then the questions and conversations were never said never asked.
You never hurt anyone.
Because if they are not there then your lies were never said.
You never ran, you never hid.
Life is the same old thing, nothing changed.
If I am not there you are confronted with nothing.
You don't have to think outside of your box and your world.
I have tried to reach out.
But I am tired of your denial, of you turning your back on me
on what we had.
I am done with trying.
I am done with you.

Feeling like a Prophet

Have you ever felt like a prophet? I don't mean in the since that you go around proclaiming  God's word to the masses and that He speaks to/through you alone. I mean do you ever FEEL like a prophet? When one day you take a look at your life and you realize you have no friends, the world seems big but you are all alone. Yes, God is there, He will always be there, so you can say that you are not completely alone and you have all you need in Him. But, you have no friends. No one to be there when life hits the fan. When work is hard and other relationships are on the rocks, when your faith is being tested and you need that pillar to hold you up. Like a prophet out of the Old Testament you are standing alone, nobody around to care.
I feel like a prophet. People tell me "you have lots of friends" I laugh because who they say are my friends are not. Yes, I know them and we hang out...sometimes. It may sound strange to say that one has "standards" when it comes to friends. Mine are simply be a friend to me, show me that you want to be my friend. Don't keep our conversations at surface level try and get to know the real me. Show me that when I try and run and hide from the world you will come and knock down my door trying to find me. So many times have I had friends for just a season. I try to be the friend I want. When you go and hide, when life hits your fan I try to go find you. I try to be there and listen so that you know I am there, I will be your pillar and rock when you cannot stand alone. I just ask that you do the same. Has anyone? sure I have 4 friends, good friends. But lately those who I have been trying to be friends with have been leaving me in the dust. Life is hitting the fan in some ways but I have non of them to call on. It is as though you wanted me for your entertainment and now you do not need or want me anymore. As though I could just walk off the face of the earth and non of you would notice. Maybe I have been right all this time, maybe all you guys want are friends that meet your social standards. I am not like everyone else. I do not apologize for that. I will say what i feel is needed, I will have fun and be strange and it may seem "immature" I know I am young and have a lot to learn. I know I am not the shinny new person to the group.
Right now I feel like a prophet. Standing alone and non of you have an idea because you have never taken the  time to try and be my friend.

Seeing God everywhere

Lets face it most of us to not think about God often. We have to consciously think about Him in our everyday lives. We are so consumed with other jank that God takes a back burner to our lives. I am just like everyone else there are times/days where I don't think much about God. But almost every night when I see a beautiful sunset or when it is clear and i can see the mountains far off I think to myself "Wow God you are good" who else could have made something so beautiful from nothing. And He shares it with us. Outside of nature I normally don't think "wow God is good" unless He has helped me or a family member in some way. Most of us don't, How many times have we finished talking to a friend and walked away thinking God is amazing and thanking Him for creating the other person so that we could be friends and so on? Not many, at least for me. But a few weeks ago while in Portland Or, on senior trip we went to Voodoo donuts and after buying our donuts we were waiting outside in the rain for our vans to come back around and pick us up. I noticed a homeless guy maybe 25-30 years old just chilling in the rain. I had already had some of my donut and didn't need the rest so i just gave it to him. At this moment most would just walk away but i knew i had sometime and that nothing would happen because i had some of my brothers in Christ watching my back. I started talking to him and found out his name is Jeremy and he had moved to Oregon from Texas he didn't go too deep into his story, which is fine and expected. But we just talked for a few minutes and in those few minutes i felt heart broken and was wishing that i could help him in anyway. maybe talking was the thing he needed at that time. someone to show him that they care and that he is not invisible. after a while of talking our vans came around and i had to leave and i asked what his name was and told him that i would be keeping him in my prayers. To be honest there have been days that i have not thought about him but on the days that he comes to mind i pray for him. will i ever see Jeremy again? probably not. Did i make a huge change in his life? probably not. But in those moments i was reminded of what we (as followers of Christ) are called to do. To feed the hungry, clothe the naked, to love all. To take time to try and help those that we can and to treat everyone as Christ would, as a human. Nobody is invisible to God, He loves all those that he has created.
My challenge for all 2 of you that read this (haha) is that the next time you see someone in need (in anyway) help in anyway you can. Maybe it is just talking/listening to them maybe you can give them food or a drink or something maybe all you can do is pray for them. When you see an ambulance on its way to an emergency send up a prayer for wherever they are going and for whomever they are going to help. If you see someone broken down on the side of the road and if you can help them (i also understand, that as a woman, it is not always safe in that situation one can call people to go help) Open your eyes pray and ask God to show you those that He needs/wants you to help that day.

Lukewarm leftovers

So a couple weeks ago we had a revival at church and then we had senior trip. This was where the young adults group takes the seniors in high school on a trip to wherever and gets to know them and show them that there is something for them after youth group in the church. Anyway I was in charge of this years senior trip and while looking through songs to sing and thinking/praying about what the theme should be and what I should talk about the simple word Worship stuck out to me. So our theme was Worship, living for a loving God.
While praying and searching for some sort of bible verse or something to follow one of my friends suggested I read the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. The title of 5 of his chapters became kind of an outline. Some of you right now are probably thinking "how does the book crazy love work with your 'worship' theme?" easy. I believe that the only way one can truly worship is through love, so it works. We do not worship something we hate, we cant.
When we truly Love God we can truly worship Him. All weekend I also used the analogy i read about in Lui Giglios book "the Air I Breathe" he states that everyone worships and we can find out what we worship by following our path that leads to the throne. Wherever we spend most of our time, money, effort/strength is what we worship.
Anyway this all lead up to one night when I talked about being a "lukewarm" Christian and giving God "leftovers" God addresses how much he hates lukewarmness in Revelation when he says he will "Spit them out of his mouth" now when it comes to spit most of us think of the typical lugy. This is not what is being said here. This is the only time in the Bible that this Greek word is used, it translates to spit/gagging/wanting to blow chunks. We can think about this in our terms, a little, who likes their food to be lukewarm? or lukewarm coffee? or even a lukewarm bath/shower?
Francis Chan relates a lukewarm Christian back to the parable of the seed. He states "I think most American churchgoers are the soil that chokes seed because of all the thorns. Thorns are anything that distracts us from God. When we want God and a bunch of other stuff, that means we have thorns in our soil. A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled on top of it." (67)
I agree with the author, going back to Gigglio's analogy of the path I think that for some of us that path does lead to God but we have thorns that can pop up on our path and we need God (The Great Gardener) to come into our lives and take them out and that may take time and some digging to get to the root of the thorn bush.
For the average christian, one who does love God and they do worship Him but they can have things that come up and try and choke that relationship. Nobody is alone in that aspect.

Leftovers;
When one is a lukewarm christian all they can give God is "leftovers" this pisses God off so much. As if being lukewarm wasn't bad enough we give Him the worst we can. By worst I mean we are not giving Him our best. That's all He wants and He deserves it! I mean come on He is the Creator of the World! He made EVERYTHING He is All that IS and once WAS! He should be getting nothing less than our best in every way! The Bible talks about this in Malachi 1:8 when God is saying that what the priests are doing is Evil. They are not sacrificing their best and most pure animals, they are trying to give God animals that have blemishes and in someway are not following the law that He established in Leviticus. He tells them that they are being evil and He wants them to close the temple gates. So in a way God rather us not give Him any form of sacrifice if it is not our best.

To wrap this up; If we are lukewarm (i.e. not living fully for God everyday and striving to learn more about Him and not loving as He loves us) in the end he will vomit us out of His mouth in disgust. And He rather us (be cold) not sacrifice to Him than to give Him something that is less than our best.
And I believe that if we truly love God and accept His love we will not be a lukewarm christian that serves leftovers. We would not be able to because our love is such that we can give nothing but our whole selves and our best. Again this does not mean that I believe that one who truly loves God will have and easy life (see Job) but it will be a better life worth living. He created us so that we may Worship Him.