Relationship

It seems as though i always find myself in this spot.
Longing to love someone in that special way but never getting the chance.
Normally I am able to excuse these feelings when I see myself falling for someone.
Typically I can say something like "we could never be because he is not a christian, and doesn't like me" or "He is intellectually out of my league, I could never catch up, and he doesn't like me"
But this one, this one is different.
Somehow I cannot just let him go.
I talk to my close friends and family about it.
many have said "Just drop it. forget about him"
others say "just pray about it"
or even better "just wait and see what God has planned"
Non of these seem to work for me.
The father I run from him he follows,
in conversation and thoughts.
I pray about it and it seems as though God is telling me "just wait"
for what? HE DOES NOT LIKE ME! what am i waiting for?!?!
I just want these feelings gone, or returned.
Today I was thinking back to try and find out where the "turning point" was. As in when did i start to think of him different, or wonder about him in any other way other than friends. What I found did not help me. Why? because it was the first day that we met. We hung out and after having one conversation with him I knew that there was something different. That he is just not the same as any of the other guys.
Now, being a college student and feeling the pressure of being in a relationship, I try to not think about guys as more than friends when we are first meeting and to just keep them there. This normally works out well seeing as out of the 20+ guys that I have met and gotten to know on some level, only 7 of them do i consider close friends and only 2 have i ended up having some feelings for. One of them I knew would never happened and that ended quickly. But this one...everything about it is different and weird. I want to let it go, let him go but I don't feel like I can for some reason. I am at a lose as to what I should do. I am trying to forget about him and move on. But a large piece of me is saying to hang on.
onto what? On top of not liking me he has fallen for someone else. Knowing that makes my heart ache and my stomach turn. He makes me feel sick yet good, not wanted yet loved, not good enough yet just what he needs and is looking for, invisible yet the only girl in the room.
I have written all this to say BLAH BOYS STINK I"MA BE A NUN!