stress

there is so much going on in my mind
so much stress i fight the right to run
i try to live my life for God
follow his plans
his word
have my schedule conform with his
but i hear people
pull me
push me
try to get me to do what they want
how they want
in a way they want
they try to make this ministry their ministry
it isn't even my ministry
it is His ministry
i get lost in my mind and conflicted
and stressed
i try to keep my eyes on him
and his best
but i go to this place of contempt and hate
i hate myself for not pleasing all
i hate myself for not being able to give my all
i try to be easy on me but it is hard.
it is hard when so many lives look to you
it is hard when it is you that is trusted with these souls
to nurture to care for and to help grow.
This is not my ministry it is His
I can do nothing without Him
I must remain in Him
I must take care of my own relationship with Him
I must be one with Him and with me before I can pour more of myself out to all of these other children of the King.