Single in a Not so Single World

I have been single for most of my life; in fact I have not been in a romantic relationship in three years. To be honest, for the most part, I enjoy being single. This past September my sister got married to a great man, and I had a blast celebrating with them. This coming year my other brother will be getting married leaving me the last single sibling in the family. Personally I am okay with it, I know I am not ready for a relationship and am not looking for one and, again, enjoy being single.

However, most of society does not share my joy. Since graduating high school, and even more so after college, I have often been asked if I am seeing anyone, or if there is someone that I am interested in, along with all of those other (rather) annoying questions single 20 something’s are often asked. Typically I play the questions off and move on to another topic. Now I want to speak out a little.

First of all, I know many single women, and men, who constantly think about getting married and having a family. This in and of itself is not bad; however, it consumes their thoughts, and actions. In many ways they begin to worship the idea of finding “the one” so that they won’t be alone for the rest of their life. I would rather consume my thoughts and energy on other things that are more worthy of my time. Instead of looking for “Mr. Right” and thinking about who he might be and how we will meet etc. I would rather think about God, theology, the teens that I serve, those who are in prison for their Christian beliefs all across the world. I strongly believe that these things take president over a romantic relationship. Instead of worrying about being alone for the rest of my life I worry about finding a position in a church and ministry, I worry about my kids that are in less than ideal situations. I find these things to be worth worrying about. Finding a future husband is not something I want to worship, it is not something I want consuming my thoughts because there are more important things in this world.

Second, our society seems to think that when one is single that they are broken, and we treat singleness like a disease. I am broken, not because I am single, and I am not diseased. We constantly put down singleness as being less than being married. I have no less value as a single woman than a married woman. Being single I see myself as being a little freer to do whatever it is I need to do and go wherever I am called to go. Moving wherever, whenever is less of a stress than it would be being married (in my opinion). Paul himself said that it is better to be single, now I do not believe that being single is better than being married. I believe marriage is a wonderful sacrament that is to be a picture of Gods relationship with the Church. With that, marriage is a big deal. When there is pressure to be in a relationship often people get into them with people that they shouldn’t. I believe that marriage is a gift from God and maybe it isn’t for everyone.

I have noticed that the times that I feel as though there is something wrong with me, and that I am not fully a woman or complete, is when I am continually asked the typical “why are you single” questions. I know I am fully a woman, and I know that only God can make me complete, and I am complete just as God has made me. Here is a simple reminder to all parents, family members, friends, church-goers, and really just anyone: do not pressure your single child, sibling, friend, fellow church-goer, or whomever to find that “someone” when you do, and even out of love, you are not helping them but simply putting them in a bad head space. When I hear these questions I often begin to think of how inadequate I am and compare myself to others who are married, or in a relationship. It is not until I spend some time with God that I am reminded of who I am, who made me, and that life is not about finding a “soul mate” but rather about loving God, others, myself, and serving.

If you are single, do not rush, don’t feel pressured you are amazing and if you do get married remember that it is a gift from God.

If you are married, thank God for your spouse. Remember that they are a gift that God has given you, cherish it, keep Christ at the center of your marriage, love them, and remember love the singles in your life and do not constantly ask them about their single status.