My prayer for me

I’m screwed up

I’m broken

I don’t deserve the life you have given me

When I ask why all you say is it’s because you love me

I don’t understand this love you have for me

I will never understand it

I try to live into it

But when I hit the light I see all my dark stains

I become ashamed

And instead of receiving forgiveness for the stains on my skin I run back into the darkness so I can’t see them

I know the only way to remove them is to accept this forgiveness and forgive myself

And to then go and sin no more

But the darkness is easier

It has become an uncomfortable, comfortable home

I preach your word and goodness from my dark hole

Others hear and come into your light

And I pray they don’t look back to see that I am still in the shadows behind.

I can’t accept your love, because I can’t love myself

I don’t like myself when I fall

I don’t like myself when I see my stains that I do not think should be washed clean because I am unworthy

I am so unworthy but still you love me

I cannot fully live in your love because I do not love myself

So Lord I pray

I beg

I plead

Help me to love me for me

Help me to forgive myself for my mistakes

Help me to see me as you see me

Help me to see myself as I see others

God I accept your love and forgiveness

But help me to accept my own love and forgiveness

Help me to step into the light and let you remove these stains once more

And help me see that they are no more.

Lord this is my prayer for me.